Funny Shayari in English (100)

Each shayari is 2тАУ3 lines тАФ click the copy icon to copy any shayari quickly.


1. I told my mirror about you тАФ it cracked up laughing.
Even my reflection needs coffee to handle your jokes.

2. My phone battery and I have one thing in common тАФ we both die when you start talking.
Please charge both before meeting me.

3. Love is like WiтАСFi тАФ it connects when you least expect it.
But ours keeps dropping тАФ blame the router (and your attitude).

4. I told my boss I needed a raise тАФ he suggested I try optical zoom.
Now I can see my salary from far away.

5. Your homework and my socks have something in common тАФ both disappear mysteriously.
Scientists should investigate our living room.

6. I asked Google about life advice тАФ it recommended “naps” and “snacks.”
Clearly Google’s goals align with mine.

7. They say money can’t buy happiness тАФ true.
But it can buy pizza, and that’s pretty close.

8. I told my cat about my plans тАФ it judged me and went back to sleeping.
Now that’s what I call constructive criticism.

9. I tried to be an early bird тАФ alarm laughed.
Snooze button is still undefeated.

10. My diet plan and I are like temporary roommates тАФ
we keep breaking the lease every Friday night.

11. You’re my favorite notification тАФ but please mute your drama.
I only subscribe to smiles and memes.

12. If laziness was an Olympic sport тАФ
I’d participate from my couch and still win gold.

13. I texted “I’m fine” and my phone auto-suggested “Please explain.”
Technology knows me better than my ex.

14. My brain has a “skip ad” button for boring conversations.
Reality needs to buy that feature.

15. I called my diet “experimental.”
Turns out experiments end with chocolate.

16. Wanted: A relationship as simple as my WiтАСFi connection тАФ
stable, fast, and password-protected from drama.

17. My wallet and I are on the same diet тАФ
we’re both light and full of hopes.

18. You say you love surprises тАФ
I say I love pizza. Let’s meet in the middle.

19. My plants are healthier than my relationships тАФ
they respond to water and occasional compliments.

20. I tried to win an argument тАФ
my logic filed a missing person report and left.

21. I told my fridge it’s getting old тАФ
it replied with a cold shoulder and more leftovers.

22. Dating app bio: “I love walks on the beach.”
Reality: I prefer naps and snacks by the couch.

23. My life is a constant “buffering” тАФ
but I still hit refresh with hope.

24. You said I’m overreacting тАФ
I said “No, I’m just dramatic with good taste.”

25. I asked for privacy тАФ
my phone updated itself and shared everything.

26. My schedule said “be productive” тАФ
my pajamas vetoed it instantly.

27. He stole my heart тАФ
I demanded a receipt and a warranty.

28. My mood swings have frequent flyer miles тАФ
they travel more than I do.

29. You said silence is golden тАФ
so I invested in naps and peaceful snacks.

30. My hobbies: scrolling, snacking, repeating.
Call it ‘art’ and give me a gallery.

31. Friends said: “Grow up.”
I replied: “Upgrade available on weekends.”

32. My bank and I are in a long distance relationship тАФ
we rarely see each other but we keep talking.

33. Heard stories about my greatness тАФ
my alarm insists it’s fiction.

34. I plan to conquer the world тАФ
but first, coffee. Then maybe conquer the remote.

35. My playlist and I are in a committed relationship тАФ
we both skip the sad songs.

36. If compliments were currency тАФ
I’d be a billionaire after meeting you (or at least rich in confidence).

37. I told my dreams to behave тАФ
now they throw pillow fights at night.

38. My ambition said “climb higher” тАФ
my blanket said “stay cozy.” We compromised with naps.

39. Someone asked where I see myself in five years тАФ
I told them: “Probably still looking for the TV remote.”

40. My jokes are like elevators тАФ
sometimes they go up, sometimes they go down, but they always move people.

41. I like long walks тАФ to the fridge and back.
Fitness goals, minimal commute.

42. My relationship status: buffering…
Please wait, love is loading.

43. I whispered “I need space” тАФ
my closet replied, “Borrow some hangers.”

44. My diet and my bank have one principle тАФ spend less, cry later.
We both need emotional support.

45. I tried to be mysterious тАФ
but my playlist revealed everything.

46. I told life to surprise me тАФ
it sent bills and plot twists.

47. My love language is food тАФ
extra fries speak louder than words.

48. I said sorry to my bed тАФ
it forgave me and embraced me at dawn.

49. My life coach is YouTube тАФ
it teaches me to laugh and procrastinate professionally.

50. If compliments were calories тАФ
I’d still be dieting, because you’re too sweet.

51. I told my boss I’m priceless тАФ
now he wants me to sign a non-disclosure.

52. My heart said “adventure” тАФ
my wallet said “budget.” We compromised on Netflix.

53. I asked for a sign from the universe тАФ
it replied with a discount coupon.

54. My tolerance for drama is like my WiтАСFi тАФ
stronger in rooms with snacks.

55. I told my secrets to the pillow тАФ
now it snores and refuses to talk.

56. I tried adulting тАФ
it asked for taxes and I returned the form.

57. I told my dreams to behave тАФ they started a TikTok trend.
Now they’re influencers.

58. You said I’m complicated тАФ
I said “No, I’m ‘limited edition’ with quirky features.”

59. My fitness tracker and I disagree on steps тАФ
it counts my snacks as cardio.

60. I asked life for clarity тАФ
it handed me glasses and a comic book.

61. I told my friends I’m an influencer тАФ
they suggested I influence my chores first.

62. My confidence and my wardrobe disagree тАФ
my wardrobe keeps asking for more space.

63. I tried to diet but the cake sent a love letter.
We reconciled immediately.

64. He asked for honesty тАФ
I replied with memes and called it a day.

65. I wanted to be mysterious тАФ
but my shopping cart betrayed me.

66. My phone autocorrects my feelings тАФ
now even my messages need therapy.

67. I tried to win the argument тАФ
my snacks staged a walkout in solidarity.

68. My calendar and my mood are in sync тАФ
both say “maybe tomorrow.”

69. I told my mirror I needed confidence тАФ
it replied with a wink and a messy hair day.

70. My playlist is like my mood ring тАФ
it changes color after snacks.

71. Someone asked if I’m single тАФ
I said “temporarily accepting applications.”

72. My goals: be wealthy, travel, nap.
Priority: nap.

73. I tried being productive тАФ
my coffee filed a complaint of abandonment.

74. My mood has a “do not disturb” sign тАФ
it only accepts pizza deliveries.

75. I tried to be serious тАФ
but my laugh subscribed to comedy.

76. My phone battery and motivation share chemistry тАФ
both drop after 10%.

77. I told my boss I’m on fire тАФ
he asked for proof and I sent a GIF.

78. I said “I’ll be there in 5 minutes” тАФ
my 5 minutes are international.

79. My jokes age like fine milk тАФ
they get better in the trash.

80. I asked for a silent night тАФ
my neighbors started karaoke.

81. I tried to be mysterious online тАФ
my browser history laughed aloud.

82. I told my coffee it’s my soulmate тАФ
it said “I prefer to stay warm.”

83. My alarm and I are in a complicated relationship тАФ
we keep breaking up and making up.

84. I promised to cook тАФ
my smoke detector RSVP’d “urgent”

85. I tried meditation once тАФ
my thoughts opened a comedy club.

86. My crush and I are on different pages тАФ
mine is a meme, theirs is a PDF.

87. I asked for a sign of good luck тАФ
traffic cleared for 2 seconds. I celebrated.

88. My pet judges my life choices silently тАФ
but still sleeps on my laptop.

89. I said I’d start reading more тАФ
my books started forming a support group.

90. My jokes are like smartphones тАФ
old ones still get updates from my family.

91. I tried to be mysterious in DMs тАФ
my emoji betrayed me.

92. I told my hair to behave тАФ
it started a rebellion called ‘bed head.’

93. I said “be original” тАФ
my playlist remixed itself.

94. My to-do list and I are in therapy тАФ
we talk about commitment issues.

95. I tried power walking тАФ
then tripped over a motivational quote.

96. My life is a sitcom тАФ
I just need better background music.

97. I asked my calendar for a break тАФ
it replied “Try next Tuesday.”

98. I told my worries to take a hike тАФ
they sent postcards.

99. I’m not messy тАФ
I’m creatively organized in 3D.

100. I asked for a sign to be brave тАФ
my reflection winked and offered popcorn.